Recently I posted asking the question: “a year ago could you have imagined where you’d be and what you’d be doing today?”. Now I’m truely faced with considering the reverse. Can I imagine what my life will be like in a year? Two? Five? Ten?
I’ve recently started a new job, after more than a year and a half of being without a career-related permanent position.  That brought me to a place where I never ever want to be again.  Stability in my employment has always been important and now, it’s even more important. The job I’ve accepted is stable. The company is not going to go under anytime soon, and I like my team. It’s nice to have a predictabe paycheque, and the work is intellectually stimulating.  But, they’re very conservative financially — the salary I accepted was much lower than other companies.  So that’s stressful because I’m trying to save, be responsible for preparing for retirement and doing what I need to do so my dreams of home and family in the near future are able to be realized.
But how do I get there? Where do I want my career to go? Where do I see myself? I’ve had a lot of rough things happen to me in recent months. To the degree that, to be totally honest, I’m afraid to think of the future. I’d rather life just happen. Every time I carry a dream it feels like it gets dashed, or somehow destroyed.
But it feels like I’m being forced to make decisions. I keep having opportunities forced on me. Not that I’m complaining, but I’ve had multiple offers for interviews.  It’s ironic because I was desperate for interviews and they were few and far between.  Now I’m getting calls, some I’m turning down, some, like the test I’m taking in a week, I’m pursuing.
But the decision I have to make, I have to decide in the next 2 weeks, or less. It’s to go back to school. Would totally change my direction. Would be secure, pay would be better, but my company may change the team’s salary structure.
I don’t know. I was asked where I saw myself in 10 years, and I could mention that I hoped to have kids by then, that I’d like to have a stable home, a life that I enjoy living, a good relationship with my family. Job-wise, I imagine myself in a position that challenges me intellectually, that has built my management skills, that allows me to problem-solve.
So what does that look like? Is it going back to Nursing school? Is it staying in Biotech? Perhaps moving to the government position in the future? It’s hard to decide as I’ve only been in my position for a short time. It’s still the honeymoon period, and I’m not yet fully trained.  So while I’m satisfied (in all areas except finances), is it right to give up school? Is School worth going into debt by thousands of dollars not to mention 2 more years of lost income? Would I be better off investing as much as I can in that timeframe for long term growth?
So much to consider. At least when I run my latest half marathon this weekend, I’ll have something to distract myself.
Tonight was a nice night. Though tough too. I cooked dinner for a good friend of mine (Warm Thai Chicken Salad) and we hung out. Chatted a little bit. He’s one of a number of friends who are keeping watch on me as I work my way through this very very rough patch I’m in. I think I have something like 5 movie dates booked and a few concerts and the like. I appreciate my friends. It’s nice to feel supported and cared for, even though I find it difficult to reach out and ask for it.  I then went and danced to a few songs. I’m into lindy hop, blues dancing, balboa and other dances in the broad genre of swing dancing. But I’ve been struggling to be inspired most of the time these recent weeks.
So I had some fun dances, but didn’t dance much. Watched. It’s an outside venue so the weather wasn’t the greatest, so I came home. And am now here hanging out and reflecting on life and decisions.