It’s one we all play at some point in our lives, some even enjoy it.  This game is the ‘dating game’.  I have realized something, yet again, tonight. I do not like the dating game.  I also realize that I have three choices: either I can date a friend or a guy I already know, remain single permanently, or play the dating game.
I don’t choose to be single, I do want a relationship.  However, I must say I detest the dating game. Tonight I had a date with a guy that I met at a night out a couple of weeks ago.  Christmas got in the way from meeting earlier.  So what was the night like?
Initially, I was hesitating on the inside because I really don’t love the dating game.  However, expanding my connections is important unless I want to stay single.  So I went, even though I wasn’t sure about his name and wasn’t entirely sure I remembered what he looked like.  I arrived at the restaurant and waited outside. I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to tell who he was inside so I arrived a bit early.  As I was waiting outside, freezing, a guy alone walks by. I was sure it was him.  He glanced in my direction but he didn’t seem to recognize me.
I waited outside and watched, and he was definitely the right guy, was looking for me, and obviously couldn’t remember what I looked like. I waited and debated, but went in and walked up to him.  He realized that we were to meet, but didn’t remember my name. Ironically I wasn’t sure I remembered his name too, and I had a good excuse, I don’t know his though! 😛  However, I was surprised by that.  Anyhow, we re-introduced ourselves and sat down.  What was my impression? I would steamroller him.  He’s friendly and full of conversation, but he didn’t really seek to find out more about me and I’m much ‘quicker’ than he is.  Plus, there’s no chemistry.  Unfortunately, in the midst of the evening we made plans to go to a movie next week. I wasn’t ready yet to say ‘no’, and was more expecting that he’d call after a few days and I could then figure out what to say. At least I’d have time.  But as it is, we have plans.  But, to be honest, I don’t really want to go.  How can I be nice and considerate of someone else yet still get out of this?
So where does that leave me? Well, in terms of people I already know, well, there’s no one I’m interested in who’s a possibility.  The distraction is mostly done — as I’ve mentioned, but not totally out of my life. Could he come back? Maybe. Could he be something other than as a distraction? Who knows. I don’t want to get my emotions entangled in that train of thought right now.
So what’s the choice? The dating scene makes me sigh. Perhaps I haven’t had a date with a guy who ‘captures my fancy’.  The potential of a friend developing into a relationship is what is really ideal for me, however, as I’ve mentioned that’s not an option.  So, for now, I’m not going to seek dates, I’m going to go when they present themselves but I’m not going to seek them out.
So, as has been the ultimate reality for me, I will stay single.  Yes guys have come and gone, yes I have not been ‘guyless’ entirely, but it has been a long time since there’s been an exclusive, progressive relationship.  And, yes, it hurts. However, it’s not worth it to me to get involved with someone who doesn’t capture me the way that I know that I can be captured.
Anyhow, so with a week left before school goes back in, I’m going to keep re-organizing my life, cleaning, preparing for school and accepting that things may continue to be solo for a while longer. At least I’ve got practice at it. Sigh.